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Reticências carregam vários significados... Parênteses interrompem (mas complementam).
Posted on sexta-feira, maio 11, 2012

A vida real é muito mais absurda do que qualquer ficção.

By Rafael Oliveira às sexta-feira, maio 11, 2012


Ele a convidou para almoçar. Disse que era um pouco longe, mas que a comida compensaria o esforço. Ela estava reticente, mas ele insistiu muito, até que ela concordou em ir. Foram caminhando e conversando numa boa, inclusive com uma conversa bem humorada. Enfim chegaram ao tal restaurante. Sentaram, começaram a comer. Com mais ou menos cinco minutos que eles estavam comendo a menina atende uma ligação. Não pede licença nem nada, só começa a falar. Inclusive, ela fala "não mulher, pode falar..." Ela poderia ter dito "mulher, eu te ligo daqui a pouco, por que (1.) estou almoçando; (2.) estou com um amigo; (3.) essa conversa é muito íntima." Mas não, ela atendeu e começou a conversar! O cara ficou um pouco incomodado, mas acreditou que logo ela desligaria, afinal ela estava almoçando! Que nada! Ela ficou falando, falando, sem nem acenar nada pra ele. Ele começou a se impacientar, ainda mais ao ver ela falando ao telefone enquanto mastigava. Dava pra ver o ovo de cordona todo mastigado, enquanto ela desenvolvia aquela conversa que, claramente era uma grande futilidade. Ele conseguiu decifrar que o assunto da conversa era uma garota que vinha sendo indelicada com o restante do grupo de amigas, e como seria a discussão que elas teriam mais tarde. Papo totalmente besta, de menininha que fica sentada na esquina, vestida de de shortinho de lycra e de blusinha de 1,99, com os dizeres "ai, como eu sou bandida".


Ela falava alto no restaurante chamando a atenção de todos, mas parecia não perceber, afinal, para ela aquele assunto era altamente pertinente e de uma importância inadiável. Questão de valores... 
Ele, que já tinha terminado de almoçar pediu um suco, coisa que ele não costuma fazer, já que não gosta de ingerir líquidos depois de almoçar. Mas o que mais faz sentido nesse momento? Tomou todo o suco, vez por outra olhando para ela, tentando captar algum traço de embaraçamento na sua fisionomia, algum sentimento de incoveniência, mas tudo que viu foi ela cuspindo um caroço de azeitona. Ele odeia azeitona. Passados dez minutos que ela estava ao telefone, notou que ainda não tinha acabado a refeição e fez aquele movimento que, nele causava arrepios: colocou o celular entre o ombro e a orelha, para poder ficar com as duas mãos livres.


Ele decidiu que tinha que demonstrar que estava incomodado com aquela situação, mas tudo que conseguiu pensar foi em baixar a cabaça na mesa, como se estivesse cochilando. Ela: "...mas ela vai ver mulher, vou falar bem direitinho com ela. E se tu quiser pode falar pra ela que eu fiquei com o Maicon no mesmo dia que eu fiquei com o Kelvis, só pra ela ficar mais doida..." Meu Deus! Ele, com a cabeça abaixada recebeu um cutucão no braço: "Bora pagar a conta!". A raiva ia aumentando. Ninguém gosta de cutucões. No caixa ela não se intimida e continua com o celular no ouvido. Ele procurou se misturar na multidão que dirigia olhares reprovadores àquela menina, mas ela o chamou fazendo com que os olhares se voltassem a ele. Saindo do restaurante restavam ainda seis quarteirões a pé para ele se livrar daquela operadora de telemarketing, daquele Louro José, daquele locutor de rádio esportivo!  


Ele se impressionava em como a conversa não acabava, em como nenhuma das duas se cansava de ficar segurando um celular. Ele tentava permanecer distante dela, andava mais rápido, atravessava a pista no susto, mas nada adiantava, aquela conversava irritante era interminável. Como pode alguém não ter a mínima noção do que é ser incômoda, incoveniente? Como pode ela não perceber que está sendo desagradável? Como pode ser tão mal-educada assim? Como pode NÃO APARECER NENHUM LADRÃO QUANDO A GENTE PRECISA DE UM?? Quando ela passou a andar na frente dele ele procurou desesperadamente por alguém suspeito. Ninguém... O problema é que se ela desligasse, com certeza iria querer contar toda a história para ele.


Ao ver um ônibus se aproximando, ele pensou em se jogar na sua frente. Ou quem sabe empurrá-la. Não conseguiu se decidir e o ônibus passou. Ele não conseguia acreditar que aquilo era de verdade, que ele estava realmente vivenciando um momento tão irreal quando aquele. Parecia um episódio do Curb Your Enthusiasm ou do próprio Seinfeld.  Gostaria ele de ser o Dr. House... Depois de aproximadamente vinte e cinco minutos desde que ala atendeu o telefone enfim chegaram ao seu destino. Ele foi, aliviado escovar os dentes. Quando saiu viu que ela continuava naquela conversa. Isso aconteceu há três anos. Hoje ele está internado em uma clínica psiquiátrica, e ela... "...pois é mulher, tu vai ver quando eu for conversar com aquela piranha! Uma doida daquela num se toca, né... "

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